Wedding Speeches: Who Speaks When and for How Long?
Speeches are among the loveliest moments of a wedding. But when there are seven of them, each twelve minutes long, the mood tips. A little planning helps everyone, the speakers too.
The usual order
Traditionally the bride's father begins, then the groom's father, then the couple. Today it is more open. Often the parents or one parent from each side speak first, then the witnesses, and last the couple with a thank-you.
What doesn't exist: an obligation. If a parent doesn't want to speak, that is fine.
How long?
Three to five minutes per speech is ideal. That sounds short, but it is enough for a good story and a toast. All speeches together should not exceed 30 minutes, and by no means 45.
Give everyone a clear limit: "You have five minutes." Most are grateful for it, because they know where they stand.
When are the speeches?
Best spread across the breaks between courses. One speech before the starter, two after the starter, one before dessert. That way the food doesn't get cold and nobody has to listen for an hour straight. Agree on this with the kitchen and service staff so they know when they may serve.
Speeches after the meal, when people are supposed to be dancing already, often get lost.
An example for the evening
With 80 guests and a three-course menu it could look like this:
- 6:30 pm Welcome by the couple, two minutes, then starter
- 7:15 pm Speech by the bride's parents, five minutes
- 7:25 pm Speech by the groom's parents, five minutes, then main course
- 8:30 pm Maid of honor and best man together, eight minutes, then dessert
- 9:15 pm A short thank-you from the couple, then the opening dance
That is five contributions and about 25 minutes in total, spread over almost three hours. Nobody has to sit still for long stretches, and the kitchen knows exactly when it can serve. More on the day's schedule is in the article Wedding day timeline with buffers.
What makes a good speech
The best wedding speeches have one story that only this person can tell, not ten. One incident that shows what the couple is like is perfectly enough. Inside jokes that only three people in the room understand, and embarrassing stories about former partners, don't belong. If you are unsure, practice the speech once out loud in front of someone and time it. Almost every speech is longer than expected the first time through.
Speeches without a menu
With a buffet there are no fixed breaks between courses. Two moments suggest themselves then: just before the buffet opens and after most people have eaten, but before dessert. Don't wait until everyone is back at their seat. A host who briefly asks for quiet is enough.
Equipment and space
A microphone is a must from about 40 guests. Settle where the speaker stands: clearly visible, not with their back to the couple. And appoint a host, usually a witness, who announces the speeches.
Ask guests to register speeches with the witness beforehand. Spontaneous contributions after the third glass of wine rarely go well.
Frequently asked questions
Does the couple have to give a speech?
No, but a short thank-you to the guests and families always goes over well.
What if someone doesn't want to speak in front of an audience?
There are other ways: a letter that is read aloud, or a short toast instead of a speech.
Speeches in the schedule
Enter speeches as program items between courses and share them with the service staff.