Who Pays for the Wedding? What Was Tradition and How Couples Handle It Today
By old tradition, the bride's parents paid for the celebration, while the groom's family covered the rings, the bridal bouquet and sometimes the honeymoon. Today that is the exception. Most couples pay for themselves, often with support from both families.
The usual solution today
The couple bears most of it, and the parents contribute if they can and want to. Some give a fixed amount, others take over a specific item such as the dress, the photographer or the drinks reception. Both work if it is clearly agreed.
The conversation with your parents
Many couples shy away from raising the subject. But it is better to talk early than to guess later. A good approach: you tell them how you want to celebrate and how much you plan to put in yourselves. Then you ask whether and how they would like to contribute. Not a demand, an open question.
Parents like to take over something concrete. "We'd love to give you the photographer as a gift" feels better to many than a bank transfer. And there are clear limits.
Money and a say
Whoever pays sometimes wants a say, for example on the guest list or the venue. Settle that openly beforehand. A fixed guest quota for each family is a fair solution. More on this in the article Creating the guest list.
When the parents can't give anything
Not all parents have money to spare, and some are ashamed of it. Make it clear that you have no expectation. They often help in other ways then: with crafts, with a car for guests, with a cake buffet in the afternoon or by letting guests stay overnight at their place. That is worth just as much and should feel that way too.
Record contributions in the budget
As soon as money comes from several sides, you quickly lose track. So write down for each item who pays for it. For example like this:
- Venue and catering: the couple
- Photographer: the bride's parents
- Drinks reception: the groom's parents
- Dress: the couple, with a contribution from grandma
That way you can see which items are still open and how much you still need yourselves. And when a bill arrives, it is clear who it goes to. In FloraWed you can assign budget items to a person and compare planned and actual amounts per category.
A note on larger sums: gifts of money from parents to their children are tax-free in Germany up to high allowances. For gifts from grandparents or other relatives the limits are lower. If you expect very large amounts, check briefly with a tax advisor.
If you live together and earn differently
Money can be a topic not only between the families but also between the two of you. Many couples split the costs in proportion to their incomes instead of exactly half. What matters is that you talk about it beforehand and not only when the first big bill arrives. A joint wedding account that both pay into monthly often makes planning easier.
Treat them equally
If one family can contribute more than the other, don't make that public. Nobody needs to know who gave how much. A thank-you to both families in the speech is still a nice touch.
Only count on money once it has been firmly promised. A "We'll surely help you" is not a budget line yet.
As a reminder: parents don't have to pay anything. Every contribution is a gift, not an obligation. It is similar with the witnesses, who usually pay for their own attire. If you specify a particular style or matching dresses, though, it is fair to contribute.
Who pays what?
Assign budget items to a person and see what is already covered.