Inviting Coworkers and Your Boss to the Wedding: Do You Have To?
Coworkers are a special case on the guest list. You see them every day, but does that make them friends? And anyone who invites three from the team suddenly has two more asking why they aren't included.
The simple rule
Invite coworkers you also spend time with privately. Someone who only chats with you in the coffee kitchen generally does not expect an invitation. And if they do, "We're celebrating in a small circle" is a perfectly accepted answer.
And the boss?
It is not an obligation. In small companies or with a very good relationship it can be a nice gesture. Think about whether you would feel comfortable with your boss on the dance floor. If not, leave it.
Many couples invite the team only to the drinks reception after the ceremony. The coworkers can congratulate you, and the evening celebration stays small. Or you bring cake and sparkling wine to the office after the wedding.
The whole team or individual coworkers?
In small teams of up to about six people it is often easier to invite everyone or no one. If you invite four out of five, you create a problem that still sits in the office after the wedding. In larger departments, on the other hand, it hardly stands out if you only invite the two or three you are also friends with privately.
Think about plus-ones too. Three coworkers with partners are six places, and with 70 guests that is almost a whole table. Whether you invite coworkers with or without a plus-one, you decide by the same rule as for all other guests. More on this in the article Plus-one at the wedding.
What to say when someone asks
Sooner or later someone from the team who is not invited will ask. An honest, short answer helps more here than excuses:
- "We're only celebrating with family and close friends, otherwise the list would have exploded."
- "The venue is small, we unfortunately had to be pretty strict."
- "We'll bring cake after the wedding, so we can celebrate a little here too."
Most people understand right away. Many made exactly the same decision at their own wedding.
Invite discreetly
If you only invite some of the team, don't hand out the invitations at the office. Send them to their homes or give them privately. Also ask those invited not to talk about it much at work.
Coworkers in the seating chart
Coworkers often know nobody else at the wedding. So seat them together, gladly with their partners. A coworkers' table is one of the few themed tables that work well, because there is enough to talk about. Just make sure the whole evening doesn't turn into a team meeting. One or two other guests of a similar age or with similar interests liven up the table.
Seating a single coworker at a table of strangers, where everyone tells stories from the old days, makes for a long evening for them. Better with other guests of a similar background or hobby.
Returning an invitation?
If you were invited to a coworker's wedding yourself, you don't have to invite them back. If you get along well, though, it is a nice gesture. And if the boss hears about the wedding without being invited, that is normally not a problem. A card or a photo afterwards almost always goes over well.
Create coworkers as a group
Mark groups such as "Work" and move them to a table together.