No Reply to Your Wedding Invitation? How to Follow Up Politely
No matter how beautiful the invitation is, some of the guests won't reply on time. Not out of malice, usually out of forgetfulness. But you need the numbers for the venue, the caterer and the seating chart.
The right deadline
Set the RSVP deadline about six to eight weeks before the wedding. That leaves enough time to follow up before the caterer wants the final number, usually two to three weeks before.
When to ask again?
The day after the deadline passes. Not before, that comes across as pushy. And not two weeks later, then it gets tight.
How to word it
Short, friendly, no blame. For example:
"Hi Sabine, we're finalizing the last details for our wedding on June 12. Could you let us know if you'll be there? We'd be so happy to celebrate with you. Love, Lena and Paul"
By message or phone call is better than by mail. With older guests a phone call is often the easiest.
Divide up the list of missing replies: each of you asks on your own side. With family, parents can help too.
What belongs in the reply
The more you ask for together with the acceptance, the less you have to chase later. These details have proven useful:
- Accept or decline, separately for the ceremony and the party if they take place at different locations or times
- Name of the plus-one, if one is invited
- Children with age, for the kids' menu and high chair
- Meal choice and allergies
- Overnight stay yes or no, if you have a room block
Still keep the form short. From ten questions on, the desire to fill it in drops, and the replies come late again.
A schedule to tick off
- Eight weeks before: RSVP deadline expires
- The day after: first friendly reminder to everyone still open
- A week later: second reminder, ideally by phone
- Six weeks before: close the list, give free places to the B-list
- Two to three weeks before: final number to the venue and caterer
In FloraWed you can see in the guest list at any time who has accepted, declined or not replied at all. That way you know whom to ask without counting.
Online RSVP makes it easier
A link where guests can accept or decline in a minute, choose a meal and state allergies brings much faster replies than a reply card that first needs a stamp. The details land directly in the guest list without you typing anything.
When someone declines late
Cancellations in the last two weeks are annoying but happen at almost every wedding, usually because of illness. Pass the changed number on to the venue as quickly as possible. Whether you still have to pay for the place is in the contract. In the seating chart you simply leave out the chair instead of rebuilding the whole table.
What about guests who don't reply at all?
After the second reminder without an answer, you may assume the person is not coming. Say so too: "We'll plan without you then, but do let us know if anything changes." Then it is clear.
Do not plan with "they'll surely come". Anyone who has not accepted does not get a place in the seating chart. Otherwise at the end a chair stands empty or one is missing.
Frequently asked questions
How many guests reply late?
Often a fifth or more. Plan for it.
May I still invite guests after the deadline?
Yes, for example from the B-list. Give them a shorter deadline of their own.
Collect replies online
Guests get a link, answer with meal choice and allergies, and everything lands in your list.