Save the Date and Wedding Invitation: When to Send, What to Include and How It Should Sound
An invitation has to be beautiful, but above all complete. Every piece of forgotten information means ten messages from guests. And some things, like "no children," can be worded kindly or unhappily.
First the save-the-date
A save-the-date is not an invitation but an advance warning: keep this day free. It matters above all when guests travel a long way, need to take time off or the wedding falls on a long weekend. It is not a must. If the invitation arrives four to six months ahead, it is often enough on its own.
- When: six to twelve months before the wedding, earlier for a wedding abroad or during the holidays. But only once the venue is firmly booked. Changing a date that is already in everyone's calendar is tedious.
- To whom: only to guests who will definitely get an invitation. Someone who gets a save-the-date and then no invitation rightly feels slighted. Guests on the B-list don't get one.
- What it says: your names, the date, the place or at least the region and a note that an invitation will follow. Times, schedule and RSVP come later.
A save-the-date can be short, for example "We're getting married! Keep June 12, 2027 free. The invitation will follow." or "Anna & Jonas say yes. On June 12, 2027 in Freiburg. Invitation to follow in winter." If many guests are traveling, a sentence about accommodation is worthwhile: "We have reserved rooms nearby, details will come with the invitation." Then guests don't book on their own too early. More on this in the article Accommodation for wedding guests.
It doesn't have to be printed. A nicely designed message is perfectly fine, though for the grandparents a card to hang up is still worthwhile. Just note for each guest whether and how it was sent, otherwise you won't know at invitation time who already knows.
The invitation: what absolutely has to be in it
- Names of the invitees, in the salutation or on the envelope
- Date and time, separate for the ceremony and the party if needed
- Addresses of the places
- RSVP deadline and how to reply
- A note on accommodation and directions, if relevant
What can go in the invitation
- Dress code
- A note on gifts or a registry
- Contact person for contributions, usually the witnesses
- A request for meal preferences and allergies
Sample text
"We're getting married! And we'd like to celebrate this day with you. On Saturday, June 12, we'll say "I do" at 2 pm in the village church. Afterwards we'll celebrate at Gutshof Linde. Please let us know by April 15 whether you'll be there."
"We love your children, but we'd like to celebrate this evening with the grown-ups. We hope you understand and enjoy a night without an alarm clock." More in the article Children at the wedding.
Three more examples for different celebrations
Registry office in a small circle, celebration for everyone:
"On June 12 we'll say yes in a small circle. In the evening we'd like to celebrate with you: from 6 pm at Gutshof Linde, Lindenweg 4, 79100 Freiburg. Please let us know by April 15."
Casual and short:
"We're tying the knot! Join us on June 12 from 3 pm at Gutshof Linde, and bring good spirits and comfortable shoes. RSVP by April 15 via the link below."
A bit more formal, for older relatives, for example:
"We are delighted to invite you to our wedding. The church ceremony will take place on Saturday, June 12, at 2 pm at St. Martin's village church. Afterwards we warmly invite you to the celebration at Gutshof Linde. The favor of a reply is requested by April 15."
Read the finished text aloud once before you print it. What feels clumsy when spoken will read that way too.
Bringing up gifts
Many couples wish for money. You can say so without it seeming impolite: "Our household is complete. If you'd like to give us something, we'd be happy about a contribution toward our honeymoon."
Online RSVP
A link or QR code for replying saves guests the trip to the mailbox. Ask for meal choice, allergies and the names of plus-ones right there. More on this in the article Collecting RSVPs.
If you collect the replies on paper, you have to type them up later. With 80 guests with meal choices and allergies, that is a whole evening. If the RSVP arrives digitally, on the other hand, the details land directly where you need them for the seating chart and the kitchen list.
If the envelope only says "The Schneider Family," some bring along their adult children and their partners. Write out all invited names, ideally already on the save-the-date. How to handle plus-ones is in the article Plus-one at the wedding.
Frequently asked questions
When are invitations sent?
About four to six months ahead, and three to four months if you sent a save-the-date.
Formal or informal tone?
The way you otherwise address that person. Many couples choose one shared informal tone for everyone, except for older relatives.
RSVPs by link
An invitation with a reply link; the answers land directly in the guest list.